Sometimes I wonder if the things I wonder about are normal things. I mean it doesn’t seem strange to me to but I wonder if everyone thinks about the same kinds of things:
I have a friend named Kevin. He was my best friend when I was around 9 years old. When you’re 9 years old your best friend might as well be your brother. There’s an acceptance and innocence in friendships when you’re young that doesn’t exist when you get older. My brother will always be my brother and I’m fortunate to have a great one. But even if he was a crap brother he’d still be my brother. That’s the kind of friendship I had with Kevin. I haven’t seen Kevin much in the past 23 years but I still think of him as a friend.
My family moved overseas when I was young and I used to wonder how different Kevin and I would be if our families had reversed roles. What if I’d stayed in America and he had gone to South Africa? How significant was that one big move in my life? How has it shaped my reality? I wonder.
I wonder sometimes about how people’s lives turn out so differently than they imagined. Mine has anyway. There’s a homeless person who cycles by the restaurant sometimes and I’ve talked to him a few times. His name is Harley. The last time I saw Harley, he had a huge gash in his head that was all stitched up. He’d fallen off his bike apparently. I gave him some money so he could get his prescriptions filled. I don’t know if he used it for that but I felt like maybe he would and if I didn’t give it to him maybe he wouldn’t get it.
I wonder what Harley dreamed about when he was a younger man and I wonder why he was never able to follow that dream. For me to follow mine took more than just my own will. I had a lot of encouragement and help and sometimes a bit of pushing and shoving. I had guidance and wisdom from other sources. I am like one of those little trees; tied to a piece of wood so that it will grow straight until it becomes thick enough to stand on its own. I guess Harley never had a good straight stick to grow against. But the thing I wonder about is whether Harley thinks about that at all.
There are bombs of a nuclear nature being made and tested in North Korea. I can’t begin to know how to think about that. Isn’t there enough shit in the world that countries should stop spending so much money on guns and bombs and implements of war? But then shouldn’t we prepare to defend ourselves in case some stupid thing leads to another and we find ourselves in need of defense? I wonder if I was a North Korean if I would feel the same way. I’d probably be scared that America might decide to bomb my country even though as an American I feel like that’s a bit ridiculous. But then again we are one of the most war-involved countries of all time. I wonder how it’s possible that any government anywhere doesn’t get that a modern nuclear war anywhere in the world would be devastating to the entire planet. Even if you’re the aggressor and you get yours off first you’re still just shooting yourself in the foot.
I wonder if it’s normal to wonder about normality.