Tough Town?

It's not that people don't care about music in this town. You'd have a hard time finding any place in the world more welcoming to budding musicians and songwriters. This is music-city. Everyone here is in love with music and musicians. Most musicians are regarded as something of an oddity in their places of origin. They are seen either as no-accounts who can't pay the rent or they are placed on a pedestal, lauded and applauded. In Nashville a musician is a dime a dozen. We are the 99 here. There may be something different or special about you but, in Nashville, it's not going to be the fact that you make music. That is almost a given here.

I don't know if it's true of other songwriters but when I discovered that I could write a song it was a major turning point in my life. Here was something that I was kind of good at, which in itself wasn't all that amazing. The really amazing part was that I really liked doing it. It was comfortable and made immediate sense to me. There was some sort of instinct that I had for writing that wasn't something I had to study or learn. It was just there. So I let it have it's way with me. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I wrote some more. I sang and sang and sang. I sang some more. I compared my work with what was on the radio and then went back to work. I was so comfortable in my songwriting skin that I began to allow that to define me. Music was my “thing” and I really enjoyed that fact.

Then I moved to Nashville and my “thing” was no longer “thing”-worthy. It was just something that almost everyone you meet does and quite often does just as well if not better than you. It's not so much that Nashville strips your grand ideas and dreams...it's that it strips your very identity from you. It takes that thing you've grasped onto as your beacon of hope and turns it into something dreadfully common....prosaic............dull..............just stop with that already.

So I wrote this song about Nashville and called it, “The Killing Kind”.

The Killing Kind (feat Anna Johnson) by timpepper

But I got to thinking about it and perhaps I was being a little unkind towards this town that embraces artists so heartily. Maybe Nashville is more like a loving but tough mentor who says, “ok...what else have you got? Who are you really? Can you do that but do it better?”. It kicks the rock star out of you and forces you to become a human again. It reminds you that the rules still apply to you despite your precious talent (that you didn't do anything to get anyway).

I submitted this song for critique through an online service. The reviewer was very thorough and I felt like he did a good job. It was money well spent. I've copied an excerpt of one of his points below:

“Lyrically there is room for you to take your content a step further. You could try adding a twist to really get the most out of those last 8 lines. For instance, you could show the other side, from the perspective of someone who didn't make it, or of someone who did, letting the listener in on what it took to make it. Alternatively, you could compare it to another force that people must grapple with, like time, or chance, showing how one force is colder, or more unpredictable, or more forgiving. Redemption is the counterpoint to condemnation, so touching on that element is a great way to offer a glimpse of the whole picture.”

I completely agree with his assessment and will bear it mind as I write future songs. But for this particular song I wanted to write from the perspective of someone stuck in a situation. If I'd followed that advice I might have made the song more “universal” but I think I also might have lost something in so doing. When you're in a situation and you feel stuck you're not thinking about the whole picture or the counterpoint. You're just feeling shitty and that's all you can see. I wanted this song to capture that moment of despair and disgust.

I think the redemption or counterpoint to this song is that through writing and playing it I've had to express publicly that sometimes this town feels incredibly difficult but I've also had to face the fact that it's taught me an awful lot and most of the time it's a pretty awesome place to be. Nashville won't flatter you...It will make you a better artist and maybe a better person.

On that note, here's a few things I've learned from living and playing music in this town:

• I still have a lot to learn.
• Talent alone is not enough. There's a hell of a lot of talent in this world. Embrace your talent. Love your talent. Enjoy your talent to the fullest possible extent. But above all DEVELOP it and DO something with it.
• Always be listening and and always be learning because you will never be as awesome as you think you are. Maybe you are that awesome but don't let it go to your head. Nobody's gonna want to drink a beer with you if you're that guy.
• I'd rather hang out with a good dude than a talented asshole. So be a good dude to everyone you meet.
• Focus on how you can help other people instead of wondering if your semi-famous 'contact' can help you get a show.
• Be genuine. Make friends rather than contacts.
• Don't play music for money. Play music because you love to play music or don't play music at all.
• Don't write songs for money. Write songs because you love to write songs or don't write songs at all.
• Be open to criticism and be open to change but don't be a pushover. You are an artist and it's possible people like your art BECAUSE it's different and wrong and imperfect and non-commercial.
• Strive to be true to yourself but also strive to be the best possible version of yourself.
• Strive for excellence rather than perfection.
• You may never make a dime from your music. It would be a shame to let that fact stop you from making it.
• You're in good company here in Nashville. Consider it a privilege to play and be played to here.
  
  

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  The recording above features Anna Johnson singing background vocals and was mixed by Chris Wright. 

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Jesus, Can You Help Me?

--> Lord knows, I need something. We all do. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, cigarettes, alcohol, movies, music, working too hard, coffee, shopping, eating, FaceBook. It's all just a bunch of crap that we do to fill the gigantic emptiness that we walk around with.

My daughter spends weekends at my house. She likes to make messes: If it's in a box she wants to take it out. If it's on a shelf she wants to take it off the shelf. If it's folded, she unfolds it. If it's in a drawer she likes to scatter it on the floor. Toys are not so much played with as they are spread thoroughly around the house. She likes to smash squishy things and color in things that shouldn't be colored in. I find blueberries and Goldfish in strangest places. I'll be honest...it's pretty freaking annoying. I spend the weekend picking up, cleaning up, changing diapers, changing clothes and cutting up food into small pieces. There's always some damn thing that needs to be done.

When the weekend is over I drop her off with her mom and come home to an empty house. For a few minutes I enjoy the quiet, clean house but soon I'm overtaken with that empty, lonely feeling that inevitably comes. Everything is where I left it and there are no little hands moving things around or ripping things up or getting themselves into harm's way. I'm surrounded by inanimate, pointless objects that don't need tending and don't get hurt and don't start crying or demanding that I hold them when they get hungry. It's just me and a couple of rooms full of nothing. So I get on FaceBook and annoy my friends and also my “friends”.

That's when I realize the best part of my week was wiping my toddler's ass and telling her what a good pooper she is. Well maybe not really that particular part but you know what I mean. Her messes and her moaning and her attraction to all the potentially dangerous objects in the house (scissors, hot stoves, electrical outlets and trash cans come to mind) are just about big enough to fill my sparsely furnished home (hey, I'm still kind of a bachelor so back off). Her little laughs and giggles and mumblings are just about loud enough to start to erase the haunting quiet in me.

If not for her I'd probably be chasing all sorts of no good; searching madly for something to fill the gap. We humans are smart enough to know we are not quite right but not always able to figure out what it is that we are missing. My daughter helps a lot but I reckon I'm still a little short in some department or other. I, like you, need something. I wonder what it is?


Here's a downloadable version of "Jesus Can You Help Me". Jesus Can You Help Me (I Need You) by timpepper Click on the little grey arrow on the right hand side to download. It's free y'all.

 Jesus Can You Help Me by timpepper

MORE TIMPEPPER MUSIC HERE: www.onesheet.com/timpepper

A DREAM IS A HEARTBEAT

Calling All Artists: Your creations are needed.

I am a dreamer. What's more, I believe that dreams quicken a person; They make us FEEL alive. Every important thing that ever got done started with a dream. The pursuit of a dream will break you down and then build you into something better than you were before. Dreams will inspire you to achieve great things. When you have a dream you start to live for that dream and it becomes the thing that gets you out of bed and motivates you to try a little harder and move a little farther down the road. It becomes as necessary for your continued existence as your most vital organs. Your dream becomes your heart beating in your chest.

So here's the deal. I have a show coming up on November 18^th at Cafe Coco in Nashville, TN. I want to bring together all sorts of artists at this show and I want to show the world your dreams. So I need you to show me your dreams. Paint them. Draw them. Write them. Speak them. Sing them. Whatever form of art you do is acceptable. The concept here is fairly open to interpretation. If you want to convey your personal dream that's awesome. If you want to convey the idea of “a dream is a heartbeat” that's awesome too. The idea here is to celebrate the passions that drive people to do great things.

If you want to display your work at the show do the following:

1. Send an e-mail to peppertim4@gmail.com. The message should be titled “A Dream Is a Heartbeat” and should include your name and what you are planning to display. The 5$ cover charge will be waived for submitting artists but only if you e-mail me.
2. On Friday, 18^th November please arrive at Cafe Coco at 6:30 pm so you have time to set up your exhibit.
3. Promote the showing...bring some peeps. (Cafe Coco is an all ages venue so your little sisters and brothers are welcome.)
4. Do us all a favor and buy something to eat while you're there. Support the venues that support the arts.

Help me inspire the world to live their dreams.

IT'S NASHVILLE...AND I LIKE IT.

The widget above is there so that you can download some free songs. So...download them and share them everyone you know.....

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It's Tuesday night and I'm driving to Cafe Coco in Nashville, Tennessee. It's a little cold and rainy tonight and somebody's car has broken down in the center lane of the highway. In the slow moving traffic I have time to take in the scenery. In the distance I can see Nashville's skyline and lights. I've driven this route hundreds of times and I always get a little bit excited when I see it. There's something about living in a city where my heros live that gets me excited.


I'm on my way to play music. Every Tuesday night Cafe Coco hosts an open mic night. That means I can go play music for a live audience and I don't need a booking. I just have to show up early enough to put my name on the list. This isn't a high-profile gig. I won't be written up in any publications and I won't be playing to very many people tonight. I'll mostly be playing for other songwriters who've come out tonight for the same reason I have. We just want to play. I'd stay up on stage all night if I could but I only get two songs. I'll take it because I just want to play.


I came to Nashville a couple of years ago with my guitar in one hand and a sense of entitlement in the other. I thought I was on the cusp of being "discovered". I was going to play a few shows and get "noticed" by the "right people". I don't know who I thought those people were but I figured they would seek me out when they heard I was in town. You know...because I'm sooo talented.

Well none of that happened and in a strange way I'm happier that it didn't. I'd have been full of shit if any of that had happened because I was expecting it. I thought I deserved it. I would have been walking around thinking, "Yeah! See, I was right!" Instead I am humbled to be in a city where so many people are as good and better than me. I'm happy to be able to play shows and get out there and experience live music at it's best and worst in a city whose heartbeat is literally a kick drum. I've rediscovered the joy of getting on stage and making converts of the people sharing the room with me...even when it's only me and a couple of assholes that keep talking while I'm playing. I actually LIKE playing live again. I want to do it every day. I actually LIKE playing my guitar again. I am inspired again.

Make no mistake...there's only one thing I want to do with my life and it involves playing my guitar and writing songs every single day. Make no mistake...I believe in what I came here to do. Make no mistake....I'm going to be discovered, one person at a time. And I'm actually going to LIKE it. I've been at work all day and now, for at least a few minutes, the stage at Cafe Coco...and therefore the world obviously...is mine. And I LIKE it.

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ISAAC RUSSELL - HE'S REAL Y'ALL

The above video is a performance by Isaac Russell. I have written about him below and was originally going to provide a link to his site. But then I found this video and thought that I had to share it with you. WAAAY down at the bottom of this post is one of my own songs and I hope you will take to the time to listen to both Isaac and myself. It's kind of like a little concert...so go make some popcorn and get comfy...who needs t.v.?


A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of watching Isaac Russell play a set at 12th and Porter in Nashville. He was playing solo and opening for a few other bands. Isaac is a slightly awkward 18 year old with a big, bluesy, man’s voice. He’s got all these inward-facing features when he plays..his body hunched over the guitar, his head bowed in reverence and his feet slightly pigeon-toed, pointing toward one another. All of that suggests a contemplative, soulful, introverted singer-songwriter that you could hear just about anywhere in the world. But you couldn’t because when he starts to sing he booms out with this incredibly lovely, old voice. This is someone singing with authority. This guy has something to say and he’s very good at saying it. Pardon the lingo but this is a kid who’s been through some shit and he knows how to transport you through it with him while he remembers the stench of it. Some other acts played that night with full bands but Isaac Russell is what I remember from the show. For me, and I don’t know if it’s simply because I am drawn to this kind of music or if he really was that good, he stole the show.

He sat on a chair and played songs for a room full of people and it was awesome. These were real songs. Not the kind of song that so many people in Nashville are trying to write. I don’t believe Isaac has ever given a thought to writing a ‘hook’ or really considered the structure of a song much. He learned how to write songs by listening to the music he loves, which evidently includes Ray Charles because he awesomely covered one of his songs. Isaac Russell reminds me of what I love about music and that is this: If you have a great voice and a great song, all you really need to sell it is an audience.

Among the crowd of people that consider themselves musicians there seems to be an understood theory that all music falls into two categories. The first category is Pop Music which includes some very awesome Real Music (which is the second category) and also some very, very Crap Music which is a sub-category of the first category. Most of the Crap Music involves slightly to quite talented people who are above average looking or at least unique looking in a not bad way. The thing about Crap Music is that it’s not really that crap to listen to. A lot of Crap Music is well written and pretty enjoyable which is why so many people buy it. However it’s still Crap Music because it’s a formulaic copy of something that someone interesting created and the only thing awesome about it is the amount of money that has been spent on getting it onto the radio all over the world.

Now I know that different people like different kinds of music for different reasons. I also know that certain kinds of music fits certain kinds of events and I’ll admit that if you want to get up and dance Isaac Russell isn’t going to be your first choice…or really any of your choices. If you want to dance you have no problem because there is all kinds of Crap Music out there that will do just fine. But Isaac makes Real Music and damn good Real Music at that. It’s as unique as Isaac himself and he has the chops and vox to perform it convincingly. I caught myself wrapped up in the story of his songs and quite frankly feeling a bit sorry for the life this guy has had. I caught myself feeling real emotions because of what this kid was doing on stage. And that’s what I love about music and if it doesn’t do that for me then I think it’s Crap.

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The song posted in the player above is, "Cry Cry Cry". I've spent a lot of hours in my home studio recording this. It doesn't sound like a radio song because it's not supposed to. It is as unique as the person who created it. I like it and I hope you will too. But if you don't I'm not going to change it...and that's what I love about my music...I can play it the way I like it.

Find me at: www.facebook.com/tim.pepper and on Twitter: @OHtimpepper

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What You Do Becomes You

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What you do becomes you….

I can’t get this idea out of my head. I’ve been attaching it to email messages and telling people about it for the past couple of weeks. You can’t call yourself a meat cleaver if you don’t in fact cleave meat. However, no matter what you call yourself, if you cleave meat on a daily basis, you will inevitably be a meat cleaver and you will inevitably be recognized as a meat cleaver. What you do becomes you.

There’s a lyric in a song by The Avett Brothers, “decide what to be and go be it.” That sentence encapsulates what is required of anyone who wants to be anything. You have to make a decision and you have to go do it. It can seem fairly overwhelming along the road to becoming something but that statement really does hold true. Just go and be the thing you want to be and don’t let anything stop you. Especially don’t let yourself stop you.

I have spent a lot of time trying to do what I want to do in life. I’ve talked about it and thought about it and prayed about it and analyzed it. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that but sometimes I let all that get in the way of actually going out and doing it. In the words of the great and wise Jedi Master, Yoda, “There is no try. Only do or do not.”

This year I stopped talking about quitting smoking and I quit smoking. I want to carry that over into other parts of my life. Less talk and more do. Just go and be whatever the hell it is you’re trying to be. Think about it and talk about and analyze it as you must but at the end of the day go out and do it. Do it every day consistently and eventually you cannot help but be the thing you already are.

Beulah Land

By the time I reach Beulah Land perhaps I'll really have a mop of white hair and a scraggly white beard. I've got the scraggly part already.

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I’m talking to a friend on the phone. She’s driving around a mall parking lot complaining about traffic and the fact that all her friends are out of town and always busy. She called because she can’t stand texting. She wants more face-time with people. I say it’s just the time and culture we live in… Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, texts and e-mail…these things have become skills almost as essential to modern life as reading and writing. I’m having this conversation from a table inside a Chili’s in North Carolina. I’m eating chicken again wishing I could eat some home cooked vegetables. There’s an idea in my head that goes something like this, “There’s a lot about modern life that I like to think I don’t like…but really I pretty much like things the way they are.”

I love e-mail. E-mail is easy. I get to be the king of the conversation and there’s no-one to interrupt my train of thought. I interrupt myself quite a little bit though. I’m pretty much addicted to Facebook too. I get a little excited when I have comments on my wall or messages in my inbox. I like being able to share everything that’s happening in “my world” with the world with immediate effect. I don’t own a t.v. and I take pride in the fact that I don’t really miss it. But the reason I don’t miss it is probably because I’m connected to my computer 24 hours a day. I’m ok with that and that’s the scary thing.

Modern life consists of working hard to pay for things that make our lives easier. Living in America it’s especially obvious that people trap themselves in this cycle of working to pay for things that end up forcing them to work more.

I like modern life. I like the conveniences we have. I like watching movies and playing on my computer. I like being able to record songs from my living room. I like the things that I can buy with the money I’ve earned. But I believe with all my heart that modern life is not the way we were intended to live.

Beulah Land is a better place than here. It’s the hereafter. It’s heaven. You may not believe in heaven and if not then you can think of it as a better place in the here and now. This song is one that always resonated with me so I decided to record my own version of it.

The original author of “Beulah Land” is Squire Parsons. He was recently diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia.

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Something Inside Me....To Thine Own Self Be True

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I’m worried about where this is heading. Is it heading anywhere? Am I deluded? Should I just ‘get a job’ and do what everyone does? Maybe I should. But I’ve been down that road. I know what happens to me when I’m stuck in a job that I don’t want to be doing. I start to become someone I don’t want to be. I start to come unglued and disheveled. I start to become a bitter old man and I’m not even an old man. I become unhappy about pretty much everything. I start to die….just a little bit….every day. I lose that part of me that loves the sunshine. I forget how much I like to be outside. I forget the joy of feeling wind in my face.

I studied Biology in University. During our third year we went on a “field trip”. It was one of the most gratifying experiences of my college career. I remember coming home after ten days in Itala Game Reserve with scratches all lover my arms and legs from walking through thick African bush. Each day after we’d finished in the field we’d walk down to the river and sit in a small pool of water and check ourselves for ticks. We’d let the tiny fish nibble our skin. Each day we ate lunch off the back of a truck. It was horribly wonderful. At night we’d type our data into computers and then sit by a fire and talk.

The scratches hurt but I was kind of proud of them. I said to someone that walking through the bush, riding on the back of a truck, sleeping in a tent by a river, cooking in a makeshift kitchen for ten days, getting scratched and tick-bitten made me feel alive. I don’t remember most of what I studied… I remember that trip. I remember conversations and truck rides and scenery and moments. I remember it because for those ten days I was more alive than I had been during my entire time at University to that point.

We had to stop working one day because a rhinoceros was too close and the game guard thought he looked agitated. Walking with rhinos makes you feel alive. In 1996 I learned how to play the guitar and I wrote my first song. I still don’t know why or how but something about writing a song; something about performing it for people makes me feel alive the way working too close to a rhinoceros does.
I’ve had people tell me that I should be using my degree instead of working as a waiter. I’ve had people tell me that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. To those people my response is this song.

I don’t like serving sushi one bit. I’m not even sure I like Nashville one bit. I don’t like worrying about money and whether I’m going to earn enough this month. I don’t like the demeaning nature of the job. I don’t like picking up after people and dealing with their “I deserve everything NOW!” attitudes.

I spent seven years in college studying something that I didn’t really want to do because…well..I had to study something. But the moment I wrote that first song I knew what I really wanted to do. There is a deep motivation in me to make this happen. It simmers in my soul. It’s a glowing coal that never dies.

I could give up and go make money designing pharmaceutical drugs, or working with genetically modified somethings. But I don’t want to do those things. I want to write songs. I want to play them for people. I won’t stop trying because…honestly…I can’t. Something inside of me won’t let me.

Holding On

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I’m grabbing some straws from the server’s station, hurrying with a tray of iced-waters to my next table. The restaurant is full and the computers have been crashing all night. Customers are waiting for their checks and other customers are waiting for food. Still other customers don’t realize that their order hasn’t yet been put into the computer and they are going to have to be told that they might miss their movie if they wait because computers suck. It’s not a good night and it’s that very moment, as I’m pulling five straws from the straw box that I’m struck with this thought, “I went to college for 7 years for this.” In fact I say the thought out loud much to the amusement of Toto, my fellow server, who happened to be standing close enough to hear.
Later as I munch a mouthful of noodles with the enthusiasm of a very hungry man Toto laughs again and says, “Angry makes you hungry!”. Anger does indeed make one hungry. On certain days I do get angry and that anger feeds my ambition. It makes me hungry for success.
They say that Rome was not built in a day. Most things that are worth anything were not built in a day. It’s easy to look back and say, “Well, it took time and hard work but just look at it now. Amazing!” It’s a little more difficult to do that when the first bricks are being laid. Sometimes you have to just hold on and be patient. I hate that that is true. I don’t like waiting. But it is true… so what can you do but hold on?
There are days when I have to repeat this sentiment to myself as a kind of mantra. “Hold on, Tim.” “Be patient, Tim.” I feel like that fish in Finding Nemo that likes to say, “Just keep swimming.” over and over again.
This is a song about a guy asking his girl to be patient. He wants her to know that she is awesome and that he wants to take things to the next level but he doesn’t want her to suffer for his dream. He’s asking her to hold on.

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In 2007 I played a gig at a small club called Tanz Café which is Bryanston in Johannesburg, South Africa. After the show I started talking to a guy who introduced himself as Tibi. To this day I still don’t know his full name. He liked my stuff and wanted to record some songs with me so a couple of months later I went back to Johannesburg and spent a couple of days in Tibi’s flat recording. While I was there he played a guitar riff for me and asked if I could write some verses for it. And so the song, “Holding On” was born.
When I was planning the album in 2008 the track “Holding On” was pretty high up on my list of songs that had to be on the album. I was going to include Tibi as a writer in the album credits but it seemed like it wouldn’t do any good since “Tibi” isn’t a definitive name. After trying to contact him several times by phone and e-mail I gave up. I figured that if the song ever went anywhere Tibi would hear it and contact me.

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Are You Coming?

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I’m an impatient person I think. I want all the things I want in life right now. My album is called “beautiful frustration” because I spend a lot of time being frustrated with where I’m at and trying to figure out how to change it for the better. I like to spend time thinking. There’s probably nothing worse for an impatient person to do than sit and think, but this is who I am. I’m learning to be a more patient version of me.

In November of 2006 I turned down a job with the volunteer organization I’d been working for earlier that year because I wanted to pursue music. Although I’d been writing songs since 1996 I had never tried to make it a career. A lot had to happen before I felt like I could legitimately hope to be a songwriting artist for a living. So I moved back to Durban to live in the spare room at my parent’s house so that I could keep my overheads low enough to survive as a musician. I went to all the open mics and I found a couple of regular gigs by handing out demos to restaurant managers everywhere in town. I produced and recorded my first EP, “Believe” that year. I got paid to play music and even though I didn’t realize it I was making progress. I should have been happy with what I’d accomplished.

A little over a year later and I remember writing this song out of complete disgust. I’d been pouring my heart and energy into music for all of a year or so and I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere and I really wanted my reality to be something different than it was. I like this song a lot. If I hadn’t been impatient or if I wasn’t the person that I am I wouldn’t have written it. So I’m happy for the experience. But I also like the fact that I can look back at this song and realize that I was a bit of an idiot. It’s an angry song. To be honest I was talking to God in this song. I was asking Him if He was damn well doing anything about my situation. How dare He make me wait for everything I always wanted. Right?

In retrospect it was ridiculous to have expected huge changes after only a year. Stranger things have happened but usually they don’t. A year used to seem like a very long time. These days a year is just long enough to do a couple of really good things. I’m building a career and my goals for this year read a little different than they did in 2006. Back then it would have read something like, “Monday – prepare to take the world by storm. Tuesday – Get ready world. Here I come”. Let’s just say I’ve downsized my goals a little. I believe in aiming high but if I’m going to achieve high I’ve got to do all the little things that high requires. So I’ve got to do the nitty gritty. I’ve got to plan to do the nitty gritty. I’ve got to shift my focus from the big dreamy goal and concentrate on the tiny little steps that make dreaminess happen.

When I was studying my masters degree I had several conversations with my supervisor, Barbara Huckett. She turned out to be as much a life mentor as she was a supervisor. I’ve always had a great deal of respect and fondness for her. She told me once that I was a dreamer. Oh but she was right. Like everyone else we dreamers have our strengths and weaknesses and it’s taken me a while to start to understand what the weaknesses of that really mean. I love being a dreamer. I love being an artist. I love to create songs. I love to imagine what all this seemingly thankless work will amount to in ten years time. But thanks to people like Barbara and thanks to the wisdom that comes with experience (and I know I need a lot more of that) I’m learning to be aware of the pitfalls too. Do dream big. Do everything your heart desires. Do enjoy the things that you enjoy. Do work hard. Do work smart. Do everything you need to do to get to where you want to go. Don’t worry about how long it’s taking because that sucks the very life out of you and destroys the thing you love.

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In the coming weeks I'll be updating this site with more songs and stories from the album "Beautiful Frustration". Check back regularly or 'follow me' to get the latest updates.

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Kevin Costner Eats Sushi

It’s Thursday night at RuSan’s and Denny is all excited about something… “It’s him! I can’t believe it’s really him! Kevin Costner is here!” I’m thinking, “Sure Denny. Sure.”.

Today is the official first day of the weekend in Restaurant-Land and that means I have to work an hour later and there’s too many servers on schedule…. Because it’s still Thursday…people have to work tomorrow….mostly they don’t want to be eating sushi at midnight. An hour ago I was wondering who I could call to get out of work tonight. But here I am so hopefully we WILL be busy and I’ll make some money tonight.

Well, shoot me! It is Kevin Costner. Unmistakably, the man sitting in the corner of RuSan’s really is Kevin Costner. I’m trying to remember the movie’s he’s been in. All I can think of is “Dances With Wolves”. My brain starts spitting out Indian names for RuSan’s patrons… Grabs With Chopsticks, Sits With Sake, Makes Noise With Chewing. Robin Hood, Water World, The Post Man, Tin Cup; all these movies don’t pop into my head for some reason.

We are pretty busy tonight and it’s a little bit awesome that no-one seems to notice that Kevin Costner is here. They say that music celebrities appreciate Nashville because they don’t get hassled here. Well I guess it’s true.

Santo is asking me if I will ask Kevin if he will take a picture with him before he leaves. Santo is a sushi chef and he’s awesome but I don’t want to be the guy who approaches the famous movie star and attracts attention to him. Pretty soon we’ll have a restaurant full of people clamoring to get a picture with Kevin Costner and all he wanted to do was eat some sushi and go play some music with his band. Yes….if you weren’t aware Kevin Costner is the front man in a band called Kevin Costner and Modern West. Listen to him sing here (http://www.myspace.com/kevincostnerandmodernwest).

Kevin is getting up from his table and getting ready to go. So I approach as nonchalantly as possible. I realize as I approach that Kevin Costner is taller than he appears in movies. He’s wearing boots which add a bit but I think he must be at least 6’3’’. So I look up and say, “Excuse me, our sushi chef wanted me to ask if he can have a picture with you before you go?”. “Where is he?” Kevin replies. I say “He’s the short Asian at the front… Also I wanted to give you these” I hand him my EP, “believe” (with card cleverly slipped into the sleeve) and my album, “Beautiful Frustration”. I follow that up with this amazing statement, “You can listen to it in your car…I hope you like it.” He stares at the CDs for a few seconds and says, “That’s cool. Thanks Tim.”

I’m not making money from music yet. I’m pretty sure that Kevin Costner is. Even if he isn’t, it probably doesn’t matter for him. I hope to one day make a living at this but for now I can say what probably few independent musicians can say; I gave my music to Kevin Costner. Judging from the tour schedule on their myspace page Kevin is a busy man but I hope he finds time to listen to it.

A Seven Hour Pursuit

Last year I moved from my sunny, warm home in South Africa to Nashville, Tennessee in pursuit of something. I thought I was pursuing a dream, and I suppose I am but it turns out that I’m in pursuit of something much larger too.

People talk of dreams as if they are specific things. The little kid who dreams of becoming an NFL football player knows exactly what position he (or she?) will play and for which team and which plays are going to make him (or her) the most awesome player that ever existed past, present or future. But grown-ups dreams are not so much about a specific job or thing as they are about quality of life.

My own dream has always been a little hazy. Industry people like to ask the question, “Tim, what exactly are you trying to do with your music?”. I understand the reason they ask that but what they don’t realize is that I don’t give a crap. How about this for an answer: “I want to wake up every day and look forward to playing some music. Maybe I’ll play for some people. Maybe I’ll just sit in my studio and write some new songs and fiddle with some new gear. Maybe I’ll play some music with my good friends who are also in my band and we’ll get a ‘new direction’ for our music. All of this will be happening in a comfortable house somewhere where it’s warm outside most of the time. Of course if I get tired of that day to day routine there will be some touring and when that’s not happening I still want to visit Europe (I’ve seen so little of it you know). My wife, who is awesome, will accompany me a lot of the time because although she is highly motivated and intelligent she doesn’t have to work and she kind of digs spending time with me. This comfy arrangement is made possible because my music pays for it. I don’t care how it pays for it. That’s not the important bit, Industry Person. The important bit is that people all over the world are listening to it and I don’t have to serve sushi anymore.”

Sometimes I think music sucks. I think this because I wish more people were listening to mine and because I know I’m better than some people who are living my dream. But I’ve done a few things in my life and here’s what I know…There’s absolutely nothing else I want to do with my life. It’s been the constant through all the ups and downs. Even when I hate it, I hate it with a passion and that’s more than I can say for most of the things I’ve done in my life.

The song “7 Hours” was written when I was newly rolled out onto the tarmac in Nashville. I was cold and missing home and my surrounds were dull and grey.

Nibs Van Der Spuy

When I started taking the whole music career seriously a few years ago and began performing on a regular basis in South Africa a lot of people kept asking me the same question; “Have you met Nibs?”. Everyone agreed I needed to meet Nibs and talk to Nibs. “What the heck is Nibs?” I thought. I was vaguely aware that someone named Nibs Van Der Spuy had been in a band called “Landscape Prayers” that had been pretty popular in South Africa when I was in high school or maybe university, but I wasn’t certain that the Nibs everyone was asking me about was the same guy. It seemed like everyone had met Nibs but me. Finally someone gave me his number and I called him up. We arranged to meet for coffee and a few days later I wrote this piece. Since our first meeting I’ve bumped into Nibs a few times and he really is a genuinely good guy.

One of the things Nibs told me to do was to record an album. I had done demos and demos and demos and had even released an EP but had never done a full album in studio. In a strange way he made it seem very important and at the same time managed to convey that I should relax and just get the thing done. I think he was probably instrumental in getting me to that place where I believed an album was the ‘essential’ next step.

SNAPSHOT: NIBS VAN DER SPUY

According to John Mayer, “Belief is a beautiful armor”. What makes belief so beautiful is that it cuts through all the ‘stuff’ of life that makes you feel like you’re nothing or wrong or worthless; the ‘stuff’ that just leaves you tired, sick to your stomach and wanting to run away. Sitting on a black pleather couch at some little coffee shop somewhere I’m feeling fairly hopeful that my life and my career could be looking up.

Much like the rather orange cushion I placed to one side when I sat down, my anxiety over the music industry and my place in it has momentarily been shelved. “You’ve got to get out there and take the music to the people, Tim. In the beginning they won’t always come to you. But if you believe in what you’re doing then you’ve just got to do it.” Nibs’ eyes are bright as he speaks to me from across the coffee table amidst orange cushions and black pleather. Enthusiastically bobbing its agreement, his braided, beaded goatee nicely punctuates this wisdom like a flashing exclamation point. Belief practically oozes from this easy-going, but clearly energetic man; a quiet confidence that he’s on the right path and that everything will be o.k.

Cars need petrol. Cows need grass. Belief needs feeding just the same. That powerful force that enabled men to walk on the moon and build churches in the jungle and sometimes just ‘keep on trucking’ is the same thing that got me here talking to Nibs. Certainly it wasn’t a direct route. It all started in a Biology lab a few years ago, sometime between teaching Sexual Reproduction to my Grade 9s and The Digestive System to my Grade 12s, with the seeds of belief.

Those seeds have names like; “I can”, “I have something unique to share”, “If they can do it, so can I”, I really want this more than anything”, “I will try”, “I won’t give up until I’ve done this”. With seeds such as those great journeys begin. But as the days turn to weeks and months and years the seeds are sometimes forgotten, buried in muck and dirt from too many frustrations and too many unrewarded efforts.

Suddenly though, while sharing a coffee with Nibs amidst the orange and black, I’m reminded of my seeds. Nibs’ belief in what he’s doing stirs something in me and I realize that while my seeds of belief may have been battered and bruised they haven’t gone anywhere. They’ve begun to sprout and are soaking up the good energy that seems to be a part of Nibs. My belief in myself, so hard-won, so tired and fading, is being fed by the belief of another.

Consuming our coffees we talk about integrity and sound engineers and the perils of being pigeon-holed as an artist. Our CDs have been exchanged and we’ve each discovered a new thing and it’s time to head our separate ways. Belief is a beautiful armor and with guys like Nibs around that armor will stay polished and gleaming and the journey will continue. Thanks Nibs.

Please do check out Nibs for yourself here: http://www.nibs.co.za/site/home

ESJAY (JONES?)

Note: this was the first interview-type-thing I ever did with an artist. Esjay is one of the coolest people I know and she's always been a good friend. Her life and sacrifice for her music were one of the reasons I eventually decided to pursue my own dreams. I wish her all the success in the world. This article was written in 2008......

Taking a meanderous route through the winding streets of Westville, past the prison, round the bend and down the lane I arrive at Face Studios to meet up with Esjay, lead singer and front person for the Durban-band Stealing Love Jones. The band has been recording a new album with American producer Bjorn Thorsrud, who’s done work with the likes of The Smashing Pumpkins, Shania Twain and The Dandy Worhols, tentatively titled “Bleed To Bloom” and due for release in South Africa and North America in late September.

Sitting on my fuzzy, studio stool, I’m doing my best to stay in the background as Esjay does some tra-la-las, warming up in the vocal booth in the background and Bjorn fiddles with buttons and knobs in the control room. “Can, can you here me? Awright, one for level…”. Cue music and there’s Esjay, suddenly in the zone, feeling her way through “Hospital”. Outside in the garage-come-foyer, Jason Every, guitarist for Stealing Love Jones, is napping on the sofa. He’s waiting to record the final guitar tracks for the album.

“Take a break.” Says Bjorn and with that Esjay makes us a cuppa. Two sugars and milk for me. Honey and Jack Daniels for her. “It helps the vocals.” She says. Over a steaming cup, Esjay offers a little inside info on the recent Stealing Love Jones tour of North America. “In the first 11 days we did the equivalent of the Durban to Cape Town drive 6 times. We all got a wake-up call over there. We were paying 8 dollars to sleep and shower in truck-stops along the way. Emotionally and physically it was very hard and made us all feel so blessed to have come from a place (South Africa) where we are loved and supported.” Jason, still sleepy-eyed on the couch, says they were driving a senior-citizens van and pulling a trailer. He elaborates, surprisingly talkative for having just woken up, “Six hours of driving, an hour to unpack and set up the rig, an hour of sound check and rehearsals, then waiting for 4 or 5 hours for the show. We’d do the gig and then pack up and hit the road again to haul anywhere between six and thirty hours in one go! It was work. Fun, but hard work.”

Esjay, speaking of the album name says, “We’ve all been through so much. I’m thinking of calling the album “Bleed to Bloom”. Taken aback, I confess to Esjay that I think any artist will know exactly what that name means. “Sometimes it’s just the vision of so many people believing in you and your dream that keeps you going.”, she says.

I ask Esjay what it’s been like returning home. She tells me the pace hasn’t eased much. After a quick tour of S.A. with Sarah Bettens (K’s Choice) the band hit the studio again. “Bjorn has been working from 7am-7pm for the past three weeks… we’ve been working until 1am for the past three days to finish vocals and all the quirky stuff. He’s leaving in two days so we’re pushing to finish the guitars and vocals on the last three songs of the album. We have a benefit concert in Zimbabwe on the 4th July in support of the community of Bulawayo. It’s a bold and pioneering move in the current climate of political uncertainty there. We wanted to go against the grain and do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. After that we hope to return to North America and gain some more ground there. It’s scary because I’m leaving everything that’s comfortable. I know there are thousands of others out there trying to do what we’re trying to do but I’m comfortable with it. I can’t see myself doing anything else. Jason and I wrote a song together called “99” and it describes that feeling in the lyrics, “I SEE THIS AS DESTINY… I SEE THIS WRITTEN ALL OVER ME.”

As I sit on my fuzzy chair sipping my tea I listen to Esjay, now singing again from the vocal booth. A couple of lines keep repeating in my head, “Days turn to night…to the echo..to the echo..to the echo…forever…forever.” It seems to me that this life of touring and studios, singing the sun down and long into the night, the endlessly repeating cycle of writing, recording, gigging and touring is Esjay… forever.
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For information on Stealing Love Jones, including music, tour dates, management and booking info, check out http://www.lovejonesband.com/ or WWW.MYSPACE.COM/LOVEJONESBAND